Let's skip the midweek cup disaster.
Straight to the weekend - much more enjoyable ...

#23: DEE vs STJ 3-1

We strutted onto the pitch like kings, only to spend 45 minutes blasting shots straight at their keeper — as if we were rehearsing his highlight reel. Finally, Konrad remembered the point of football and scored. Second half? Pure theatre: Meekings and Caulker made it 3–0, Burns decided red cards are fashionable, and suddenly we were playing with ten men. St. Johnstone even sneaked one in, just to keep it interesting. Final whistle: 3–1. We call it dominance; they call it damage limitation. Either way, the league table still bows to Dundee.

#24: RAN vs DEE 0-2

Rangers’ grand plan was simple: defend deep, pass sideways, and hope Dundee got bored. Spoiler: we didn’t. Dias gifted us the opener, Artero obliged, and suddenly Rangers were chasing shadows. Butland spent the evening auditioning for “Most Heroic Goalkeeper in a Losing Cause”, diving everywhere while his teammates perfected the art of not shooting. Konrad’s late strike sealed the inevitable, leaving Rangers to claim they “kept it respectable.” Final score: 0–2. They call it resilience; we call it Dundee dominance. The only thing Rangers won was a quiet night for our keeper.

6 more points, some breathing space ...

#19: DEE vs LIV 5-0

Ah yes, another “grueling” afternoon for Dundee — if you call casually dismantling Livingston grueling. We politely let them believe they were contenders, but the table says otherwise: nine wins, one slip, and a goal difference that looks more like a cheat code. Javier Artero keeps scoring just to stay in the Golden Boot conversation, while poor Robbie Muirhead and Arne Engels cling to six goals like lifebuoys. Livingston sits fourth, which sounds respectable until you notice the 8 goals we’ve conceded all season. Honestly, we’re running out of ways to make this look competitive. Final score? Let’s just say Dundee remain top, Livingston remain hopeful.

#20: RR vs DEE 2-5

Oh, what a tragedy for us poor Dundee lads — forced to score five times just to prove a point. Steven Caulker clearly didn’t get the memo about keeping things dramatic, bagging two before Raith Rovers even woke up. Josh Meekings joined the fun, and Claudio Caniggia decided nostalgia goals still count. Artero politely finished things off from the spot, because why not. Sure, Healey tried to spoil the party with a brace, but we generously allowed it — charity work, really. Our keeper Gadzhalov even stole Man of the Match, as if saving everything in sight was some kind of hobby. Final score: 5–2. Another day, another “struggle” at the top.