PROGRESS!
After wasting last week's home match vs STE despite 3.0-0.7 xG, this week we've lost vs MOT despite only 2.2-1.3 xG.

#38: SRA vs DEE 1-6

We kindly allowed Stranraer their traditional one-minute moment of joy, before demonstrating what happens when you poke the Dens Park bear. Konrad equalised, Stanton took over like he owned the stadium, and Caniggia finished chances that physics would normally reject. Riley even added a polite penalty, because we believe in balanced scoring. 
By halftime it was 6–1, so we spent the second half practising our defensive yoga while Stranraer contemplated career changes. 
Man of the Match? Stanton, obviously — two goals, one limp, total domination. A comfortable day out, really.

#39: DEE vs MOT 0-1

Motherwell came to Dens Park with all the subtlety of a brick and still somehow walked away with a 1–0 win. We dominated the ball, the territory, and probably the moral high ground, yet conceded after Bondigas nodded in the only moment our defence collectively decided to take a tea break. 
Every Dundee chance was politely directed at Budinauckas, who apparently chose today to become prime Gianluigi Buffon. Two yellow cards for “simulation” rounded off the comedy, because nothing says entertainment like a strict ref with a flair for theatre. 
Final verdict: plenty of effort, zero goals, and a masterclass in how to lose a match we should never have lost.

There's been plenty of fuel for the Infinite Improbability Drive this week ...

#35: PET vs DEE 1-0

Dundee FC arrived at Peterhead expecting a routine stroll, only to trip over their own shoelaces. Our strikers danced around the box, Claudio Caniggia even kissed the post, but the net remained stubbornly untouched. The referee, apparently auditioning for a pantomime, handed out yellows to Peterhead like Christmas cards. Then, in the 73rd minute, Farai Musasike decided to ruin our afternoon with a goal that looked more like a glitch in the simulation than footballing brilliance. We pressed, we shuffled, we sighed — yet Will Sylvester turned into Lev Yashin reincarnated. 
Final whistle: Peterhead 1, Dundee 0. Top of the table, but somehow beaten by the league’s basement dwellers. Irony, thy name is football.

#36: DEE vs STE 2-3

Dundee FC proudly unveiled their masterclass in self-sabotage against Stenhousemuir. Our keeper gifted Bear two early Christmas presents, and the Stenny striker happily unwrapped them for a 0–2 lead. 
Just when hope flickered, Artero and Riley staged a heroic comeback, leveling at 2–2 and convincing us we might actually salvage dignity. Naturally, that illusion lasted all of ten minutes — our defense politely stepped aside so “The Wall” could smash home the winner. 
Final score: 2–3, another reminder that Dundee specializes in dramatic collapses. Man of the Match? Bear, of course — he feasted on our generosity. We call it “charity football,” others call it incompetence. Either way, we remain experts at turning potential glory into comic tragedy.