There's been plenty of fuel for the Infinite Improbability Drive this week ...

#35: PET vs DEE 1-0

Dundee FC arrived at Peterhead expecting a routine stroll, only to trip over their own shoelaces. Our strikers danced around the box, Claudio Caniggia even kissed the post, but the net remained stubbornly untouched. The referee, apparently auditioning for a pantomime, handed out yellows to Peterhead like Christmas cards. Then, in the 73rd minute, Farai Musasike decided to ruin our afternoon with a goal that looked more like a glitch in the simulation than footballing brilliance. We pressed, we shuffled, we sighed — yet Will Sylvester turned into Lev Yashin reincarnated. 
Final whistle: Peterhead 1, Dundee 0. Top of the table, but somehow beaten by the league’s basement dwellers. Irony, thy name is football.

#36: DEE vs STE 2-3

Dundee FC proudly unveiled their masterclass in self-sabotage against Stenhousemuir. Our keeper gifted Bear two early Christmas presents, and the Stenny striker happily unwrapped them for a 0–2 lead. 
Just when hope flickered, Artero and Riley staged a heroic comeback, leveling at 2–2 and convincing us we might actually salvage dignity. Naturally, that illusion lasted all of ten minutes — our defense politely stepped aside so “The Wall” could smash home the winner. 
Final score: 2–3, another reminder that Dundee specializes in dramatic collapses. Man of the Match? Bear, of course — he feasted on our generosity. We call it “charity football,” others call it incompetence. Either way, we remain experts at turning potential glory into comic tragedy.

No surprises, carrying on ...

#33: ALB vs DEE 0-1

Albion Rovers bravely tried to turn football into a game of “how many saves can George Kittle make”, while Dundee politely dominated every statistic except the scoreboard. Shot after shot, Albion’s keeper played superhero, but even comic books end eventually. 
Enter Steven Caulker in the 90th minute, who decided enough was enough and smashed the ball into the roof of the net — because someone had to. 
Final score: Dundee 1, Albion 0. Albion complained of “highway robbery”, which is ironic considering Dundee spent 90 minutes knocking on the door while Albion padlocked it shut. In the end, the lock broke, and Dundee walked off with three points, a smirk, and the league lead intact.

#34: DEE vs HAM 5-0

We graciously hosted Hamilton Accies for what was supposed to be a football match, but turned into a masterclass in how not to defend. After a polite goalless first half, we decided to stop being modest: Riley opened the floodgates, Artero thundered one in, Fatello joined the fun, and Caulker — clearly bored — scored twice just to remind everyone he exists. 
Final score: 5–0. Shots on target? Us: seven. Them: zero. Yes, zero. Our keeper could’ve brought a deckchair. Man of the Match? Obviously Caulker, though honestly the whole team deserves medals for patience. 
Dundee marches on at the top, while Hamilton… well, let’s just say they contributed generously to our goal difference.