Long standing manager Andrew McCumiskey has sensationally resigned as manager of Stranraer FC, triggering an emergency by-election for the role... which he has already confirmed he intends to contest.

League insiders claim the decision follows growing controversy over Andrew's failure to declare several suspiciously lucky transfer decisions, including a mysterious captain choice that somehow scored a hat-trick despite being ruled out with a hamstring injury on Friday.

He also remains under investigation by the SESL Fantasy Standards Committee after allegedly receiving an undeclared £5 million "investment" in imaginary transfer funds from an anonymous billionaire who definitely doesn't exist.

What McCumiskey said today

Speaking outside Stair Park, McCumiskey insisted he had done "absolutely nothing wrong."

"My team selections were made with complete honesty... and a healthy amount of blind luck."

He dismissed the investigation as "people being upset because they forgot to change their captain."

"I've decided that the loyal fans of Stranraer FC should judge my performance," he announced.

"That's why I'll be standing in this managerial by-election. I intend to win convincingly and continue the fantasy football revolution that has seen me finish somewhere between first and twelfth every season."

He added that resigning and immediately reapplying for the same position "saves everyone filling in unnecessary paperwork."

The reaction

SESL officials confirmed that nominations have now closed, with Count Binface emerging as the only challenger to Andrew McCumiskey.

Count Binface promised that, if elected, every fantasy manager would receive one free wildcard every week, VAR would be banned for "being a bit annoying," and Stranraer FC would only sign players with amusing surnames.

Several high-profile managers had been linked with the vacancy but ruled themselves out. Sam Aladice said he was "far too busy keeping imaginary clubs from imaginary relegation," while MOT Andrew insisted he was concentrating on shouting at referees and producing tactical analyses that nobody asked for.

One rival SESL manager described the election as "the biggest circus since Andrew triple-captained a goalkeeper."

Another called it "a fake election," while a third simply muttered, "He's only doing this because he's forgotten this week's transfer deadline again."

Bookmakers have nevertheless installed Andrew McCumiskey as the overwhelming favourite, with Count Binface attracting plenty of protest votes and at least one vote from someone who thought they were voting for an actual bin.

Polling stations close five minutes before the fantasy transfer deadline, ensuring that Andrew will almost certainly miss one of them.